He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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