the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
