oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
