so let's talk penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
