Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
