I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
