I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
