Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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