I can tuck mytits in my pants
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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