Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
