you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
