Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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