I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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