The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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