he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
