He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize