hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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