She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
