I want to have your abortion
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
