so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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