Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
