How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
