im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
