I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
