We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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