woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
