I want to have your abortion
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
