Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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