I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
