I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
