Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
