dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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