Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
