Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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