Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
