forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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