My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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