I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize