hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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