I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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