Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
