I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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