my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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