Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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