Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
