it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
