we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
