closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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