remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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