Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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