That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
