My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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