when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He passed out mid-signature
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
