forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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