Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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