i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
