He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize