Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
