We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
