Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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