On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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