I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
