now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize