Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
