Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
