Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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