When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
