I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
