we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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