This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
